Apr. 4th, 2017

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The move to Lake County means the return to actually experiencing seasons. I have a joke for years that the bay area actually does have four seasons – fire, flood, mud, & fog. We've been in Lake County about two months now and have actually seen snow on our deck, not that it lasted terribly long. Well, here it is April 4, & late this afternoon and got up to about 80. I'm sitting here on the front porch, naked to the waist.

I can't remember the last time I was outside without a shirt. Granted, ginger boy here burns to peeling in about half an hour & with our family history of malignant melanoma, I have ample reason to never be shirtless. In truth however, this is not the only reason for my modesty; I have hated how I look without a shirt for next to forever. I truly detest having more 'on top' then either of my sisters.

Years ago, shortly before her wedding, my sister Joan caught me in front of a full length mirror trying to figure out how to flatten out my chest. Could I managed to tuck enough fat from my lateral chest under my arm & attain a more masculine appearance?

(Yeah. Right. Good luck with that.)

From behind me my sister simply said, "lift and separate?"
"No," I replied, "more like divide and conquer!"

We both laughed, but in truth I was mortified. I have never particularly liked being obese. I'm comfortable in my own skin, but not necessarily with the size of the casing.

I'm using a full length mirror these days, & really focusing at what I see. I am completely capable of standing in front of the mirror and not seeing what's there, so I'm really making a point of looking critically & and using my disgust displeasure with what I see to reinforce the changes I'm making and serve as a continuing motivator.

Emotionally, I'm absolutely done with being obese. I'm tired of it. I don't like the way it makes me feel physically. I'm done with weight bearing joints protesting having to deal with my bulk. The difference the recent 50 pound drop has made in my comfort level is huge. I was up and down ladders and in and out of trees the last two days attending to our landscaping and my ankles are only slightly ticked off with me. Last November, I would have been down a day or two, or on pain meds, if not both. I'm less concerned about sitting down and having what I'm sitting on give way beneath me. I can now put the tray table down in coach when I fly, nor do I need a seat belt extender any longer. These are enormous milestones for me.

I've graduated from being the fat man to a man who's fat. This is not semantics. I have been the man that small children at one point stared at & in their pediatric innocence said, "Mommy, look," or, "it's Santa!" I have been the man that absolute strangers came up to, to tell me what my problem is and how to fix it. I have been as Gabriel Iglesías puts it, "oh Hell no". Not 'fluffy' or even 'damn', but a full fledged "oh HELL no'.

As I sit here in a 2X tie dyed T, and a pair of 44" jeans I now no longer dare wear without a belt, I now honestly feel a return to a non-obese weight is a feasible goal, & that my friends, leaves me almost giddy at the thought.

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