As difficult as our relationship is, that hasn't been acceptable to me, and I suspect likely never will. I've considered the possibility and emotionally it would not be liberating, but devastating. As I said above, as well indoctrinated with her Jewish guilt as I am, on a deep level, the pain would become self-inflicted and self-perpetuating. To be willing break contact, to walk away for good, would be to accept defeat, that the relationship cannot be changed and made better. As I do love her, I feel I owe her that. I know I owe my father that. He was such a mediating presence in our interaction. I miss him intently.