Jan. 14th, 2006

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Went to see Brokeback Mountain this afternoon with a friend. Beautifully filmed. The scenery was breathtaking. The acting was superb. Ang Lee has given us some flick. And I left the theater both terribly, terribly sad and grateful for my life and my decisions on how to live it.

The central characters of Ennis and Jack so obviously love one another deeply, yet are trapped in the reality of their homophobic environment. The story is set within my lifetime, in my country. I was 8 years old at the time the story began. The tale ends in 1985, the year I turned 30, the year my husband and I marked our 4th anniversary. Stonewall happened during the time of this film, not that it had any bearing on the lives of these characters. Certainly not the bearing that it had on my life.

Nearly 25 years ago, I met my husband and fell in love with him in a very short period of time, not unlike the characters of Jack and Ennis, but unlike the two of them, we did not go our separate ways, with paths crossing and re-crossing over and over again. We felt we had the freedom to make our separate paths one, and live our lives together. His face is the last thing I see nearly every night and the first thing I see when I open my eyes in the morning. The thought that I would love someone with my heart and soul, yet go months without the feel of his hand in mine, or smell his scent on my skin, is not something I could endure. The social changes that happened in our society as we came of age, helped give us the strength to make these choices, a strength that these characters did not have.

I left the film today mourning the losses of those two characters, the loss of a life together. The angst, the repression, the things that went unsaid and unspoken, and the seathing anger of so many of the heterosexual characters in this film, was hard to watch.

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