Oct. 26th, 2007

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Don't you love stories that start, "I have this friend...."

Well, I have this friend, who I fear is squandering both their life and their talents. I want to do something about it, so much so that it hurts, but the reality is, I can't. I don't have that kind of power. I have a wand, a gift from another friend, but I cannot wave it and make things whole. I cannot wave it and make all the debts and guilts and fears go away. Oh, to be an affective practitioner of white magic!

I cannot bind my friend to reality, nor make them accept the responsibility that should come with being an adult in our society. I cannot make them accept real help, and I cannot force them to do the work that accepting real help would entail. I cannot make them bypass the desires of the id, long enough to strengthen and develop the ego.

I don't know how to make my heart stop aching when I think about them, nor to I know how to stop the profound sadness I feel looking at a light so bright, so talented and so totally lost. I'm trying to figure out how I let go of the fear that I sit with, that my friend will never grow up, grow old and have the kind of life they'll look back at with a sense of pride, accomplishment or satisfaction.

So I sit with this, and pray. The Serenity prayer has become a mini-mantra.

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osodecanela

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