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A letter to supporters of prop 8
Feb. 3rd, 2009 03:39 pmI believe in dialogue. It's where ideas are shared and where change can happen. I was rewarded in the time coming up to the election by an interchange with someone I did not know was both a Republican and had been raised a fundamentalist Christian. We chatted in August about my having gotten married and why it had been so important to me. I had not known she had been planning to support 8, not did she say so at the time we spoke. She did come to see me, a few weeks before the election to tell me I had changed her mind, and the not only was she going to vote against 8, she was campaining for its failure. Change can happen. My sharing why marriage was important to me, made it a concrete issue for her, rather than an abstract idea, for people she did not know.
So here is the letter I wrote in response to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mudcub's challenge. It felt good to write it and get this stuff off my chest. Hopefully it will make someone think a bit, hopefully 5 "someones".
Dear XXXXXX,
I’m writing because of your support for Prop. 8. I got your name from the California Secretary of State’s list of donors to the ‘Yes on 8’ campaign.
Who am I? I’m a professional, have a small business, provide health insurance to my employees and their families. I pay taxes, do volunteer work in the community, co-own a home. I go to church most Sundays. I’m part of an extended family, helping to raise 4 children.
I’m also gay.
This past summer, after 27 years living with the man I love, I married him. We got married in the presence of our family and friends. It was a joyful day, and for us the application of a name to something that already was. In my heart, he has been my husband for 27 years. On the 20th of July, the state of California recognized that reality.
Why is civil marriage important?
Eleven years ago my husband had a heart attack. I sat there in the ER with him, slept in the chair at his bedside for 3 nights in cardiac care unit, and finally took him home. Eighteen months later, I sat in a waiting room for 9 hours, while he had a bypass, terrified he might not survive the surgery. I walked the halls with him for days during his recovery and cried myself to sleep nearly every night, until I was able to take him home again. The only reason the Kaiser system dealt with me, was the form we’d had the foresight to fill out, giving each other durable power of attorney for health care. Without that form, even after 17 years together, I would have been a ‘roommate’, with no rights whatsoever. This is why civil marriage is crucial.
We have had to structure our lives with care, something no married couple has to do, just in order to protect each other, should something happen to either of us. Our property, our home, our businesses, our retirements have had to be structured so that we’re protected, something any married couple gets automatically, the moment they say, “I do.” We don’t want special rights; we only want to be treated as equals under California law. No more, no less. It’s an issue of our civil rights.
I know that there are many who supported Prop 8 because they were urged to by their church. Perhaps that was true for you. If your church doesn’t wish to take my marriage under its care, that’s their right. No church should have to perform a marriage that’s contrary to its teachings; that’s made clear in the Bill of Rights. Made clear by the very same amendment, is that we have separation of church and state in this country. I am neither a Mormon, nor a Catholic. Why should either of these churches have any jurisdiction over whom I marry?
My marriage is no threat to anyone. If you think it’s a threat to yours, then there’s something very wrong with the health of your relationship. I’m no threat to you. I mean you no ill, no harm, despite your actions in support of Prop. 8. I could be the guy next door, the shop owner down the street, your co-worker, or perhaps your dentist. Make an effort to know who we are, and you may not be so quick to treat us as ‘lesser than’. Make the effort to find out who you’ve harmed by your action, and try to do something to make it right.
So here is the letter I wrote in response to
mudcub's challenge. It felt good to write it and get this stuff off my chest. Hopefully it will make someone think a bit, hopefully 5 "someones".Dear XXXXXX,
I’m writing because of your support for Prop. 8. I got your name from the California Secretary of State’s list of donors to the ‘Yes on 8’ campaign.
Who am I? I’m a professional, have a small business, provide health insurance to my employees and their families. I pay taxes, do volunteer work in the community, co-own a home. I go to church most Sundays. I’m part of an extended family, helping to raise 4 children.
I’m also gay.
This past summer, after 27 years living with the man I love, I married him. We got married in the presence of our family and friends. It was a joyful day, and for us the application of a name to something that already was. In my heart, he has been my husband for 27 years. On the 20th of July, the state of California recognized that reality.
Why is civil marriage important?
Eleven years ago my husband had a heart attack. I sat there in the ER with him, slept in the chair at his bedside for 3 nights in cardiac care unit, and finally took him home. Eighteen months later, I sat in a waiting room for 9 hours, while he had a bypass, terrified he might not survive the surgery. I walked the halls with him for days during his recovery and cried myself to sleep nearly every night, until I was able to take him home again. The only reason the Kaiser system dealt with me, was the form we’d had the foresight to fill out, giving each other durable power of attorney for health care. Without that form, even after 17 years together, I would have been a ‘roommate’, with no rights whatsoever. This is why civil marriage is crucial.
We have had to structure our lives with care, something no married couple has to do, just in order to protect each other, should something happen to either of us. Our property, our home, our businesses, our retirements have had to be structured so that we’re protected, something any married couple gets automatically, the moment they say, “I do.” We don’t want special rights; we only want to be treated as equals under California law. No more, no less. It’s an issue of our civil rights.
I know that there are many who supported Prop 8 because they were urged to by their church. Perhaps that was true for you. If your church doesn’t wish to take my marriage under its care, that’s their right. No church should have to perform a marriage that’s contrary to its teachings; that’s made clear in the Bill of Rights. Made clear by the very same amendment, is that we have separation of church and state in this country. I am neither a Mormon, nor a Catholic. Why should either of these churches have any jurisdiction over whom I marry?
My marriage is no threat to anyone. If you think it’s a threat to yours, then there’s something very wrong with the health of your relationship. I’m no threat to you. I mean you no ill, no harm, despite your actions in support of Prop. 8. I could be the guy next door, the shop owner down the street, your co-worker, or perhaps your dentist. Make an effort to know who we are, and you may not be so quick to treat us as ‘lesser than’. Make the effort to find out who you’ve harmed by your action, and try to do something to make it right.
