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Angst and Anxiety
Nov. 2nd, 2020 04:50 pmIt's Monday evening and the sun is rapidly heading towards dusk here. My husband and I just finished a Zoom celebration with my extended family, in honor of Mom's 90th. Today is her birthday and almost 40 of us gathered behind computer and phone screens all over the country.
I'm grateful we could all be there, albeit virtually.
I am still plagued by a sense of foreboding and dread. The election is tomorrow, or at least the culmination of the country casting its ballots. I am filled with angst, concerned that the man who is an existential threat to our democracy and to our public health will not be successfully turned out of office. The rebuilding of the state department, the EPA, the Consumer Protection Agency, will take years to restore, nor to I have any faith there will be any handing over of the reigns with an accounting of what has been dismantled. Given all the damage he has done to the welfare of the nation and the structures that serve our public, not only must this man be voted out of office, but his enablers in the Senate must get turned out as well.
It's possible, but far from assured.
I remain dispirited by the polarization of this country, the tribalness that has reared its head and makes me feel both unwelcome and unsafe in much of the US. I have been othered by many on the far right, a symbol of much that they distain, a married, gay man, non-christian, child of an immigrant family, bilingual, liberal. That we have a president who could not condemn open antisemitism, could not call out white supremacists who marched on Charlottesville, chanting "Jews will not replace us". They openly carried rifles and other firearms, while they protested outside that city's reform synagogue as the congregation worshiped inside. The rabbi sent his congregants out the back door of their sanctuary that day, for their safety. My fear is that should this man stay in office, a lightening rod for the disenchanted of the far right who’ve taken control of the Republican party, a populist for the class that consider themselves the white aggrieved, how real is the risk for an American Krisallnacht? This is the man who went to Tulsa on the anniversary of the destruction of Black Wall Street, intent on gathering his minions to rally. Are the chants of "lock her up" in truth a new American Sieg Heil"?
There’s a litany of unbridled corruption of the unqualified members of his cabinet, some found out and forced from office, Tom Price, Ryan Zinke, Scott Pruit, alas not before wreaking the havoc they were placed there to do, handmaidens to the desires of the Koch’s and their ilk. There’s the continued malfeasance of Betsy DeVos, Bill Barr, Ben Carson, Wilbur Ross. It all makes me wonder if there is anyone of character and value there, any one with an agenda to benefit the country rather than themselves? If these as just the things on the surface, marring the facade, what damage has been done the carcass within?
As much as I want to have faith that this has all been an aberration, and that the American experiment will right itself, stand up and brush off the debris to the past 4 years, the haunting fear, that Trump is not the cause, but the symptom keeps me awake at night. After Obama prompted so many of us to stand up and say, "Yes we can", and 12 years after the Supreme Court of California granted me the right to look into my husband's eyes and say, "with this ring, I thee wed...", the adoring crowds that flock like moths to a flame, about the orange dumpster fire who has taken up residence in the People's House, to chant out his support, forces me to ask if I do indeed have a future in this country. This cult of celebrity, the white, christian, heterosexuals, who are out there chanting for that time in our history when all they thought you needed to be, to be a success in this country was to be white, christian, male and heterosexual, needs to give every one of us who do not fit into that mold pause.
So, to anyone who reads this, If you have not done so already, GO VOTE.
I'm grateful we could all be there, albeit virtually.
I am still plagued by a sense of foreboding and dread. The election is tomorrow, or at least the culmination of the country casting its ballots. I am filled with angst, concerned that the man who is an existential threat to our democracy and to our public health will not be successfully turned out of office. The rebuilding of the state department, the EPA, the Consumer Protection Agency, will take years to restore, nor to I have any faith there will be any handing over of the reigns with an accounting of what has been dismantled. Given all the damage he has done to the welfare of the nation and the structures that serve our public, not only must this man be voted out of office, but his enablers in the Senate must get turned out as well.
It's possible, but far from assured.
I remain dispirited by the polarization of this country, the tribalness that has reared its head and makes me feel both unwelcome and unsafe in much of the US. I have been othered by many on the far right, a symbol of much that they distain, a married, gay man, non-christian, child of an immigrant family, bilingual, liberal. That we have a president who could not condemn open antisemitism, could not call out white supremacists who marched on Charlottesville, chanting "Jews will not replace us". They openly carried rifles and other firearms, while they protested outside that city's reform synagogue as the congregation worshiped inside. The rabbi sent his congregants out the back door of their sanctuary that day, for their safety. My fear is that should this man stay in office, a lightening rod for the disenchanted of the far right who’ve taken control of the Republican party, a populist for the class that consider themselves the white aggrieved, how real is the risk for an American Krisallnacht? This is the man who went to Tulsa on the anniversary of the destruction of Black Wall Street, intent on gathering his minions to rally. Are the chants of "lock her up" in truth a new American Sieg Heil"?
There’s a litany of unbridled corruption of the unqualified members of his cabinet, some found out and forced from office, Tom Price, Ryan Zinke, Scott Pruit, alas not before wreaking the havoc they were placed there to do, handmaidens to the desires of the Koch’s and their ilk. There’s the continued malfeasance of Betsy DeVos, Bill Barr, Ben Carson, Wilbur Ross. It all makes me wonder if there is anyone of character and value there, any one with an agenda to benefit the country rather than themselves? If these as just the things on the surface, marring the facade, what damage has been done the carcass within?
As much as I want to have faith that this has all been an aberration, and that the American experiment will right itself, stand up and brush off the debris to the past 4 years, the haunting fear, that Trump is not the cause, but the symptom keeps me awake at night. After Obama prompted so many of us to stand up and say, "Yes we can", and 12 years after the Supreme Court of California granted me the right to look into my husband's eyes and say, "with this ring, I thee wed...", the adoring crowds that flock like moths to a flame, about the orange dumpster fire who has taken up residence in the People's House, to chant out his support, forces me to ask if I do indeed have a future in this country. This cult of celebrity, the white, christian, heterosexuals, who are out there chanting for that time in our history when all they thought you needed to be, to be a success in this country was to be white, christian, male and heterosexual, needs to give every one of us who do not fit into that mold pause.
So, to anyone who reads this, If you have not done so already, GO VOTE.
