The first 12 of my life were spent looking up to him. He was the saviour on the white steed. When I was 6 or 7 I went sledding across what turned out to be rather thin ice just a block from the house and it was Pop who ran and plucked me out of the frigid water, where I could well have drowned. He was gregarious, at ease in public and most social situations and he had a ready smile and a great sense of humor.
Puberty did not help our relationship and 13 thru my mid 20's were spent trying to differentiate myself from him. It was only much later that I discovered what a balancing force he was, keeping my mother and school teachers off of my back. According to my mother, she would chafe at every open school night. The would routinely be told I was not living up to my full potential. Pop would ask, "is he in the class of the brightest kids for his grade?" and he was told yes. He followed, "and you said he's in the middle of his class grade-wise?" Again, he got a yes. "Then kindly get off and stay off my kid's back."
I moved cross country in my mid-20's after finishing medical school, to do my residency and in part, to come to terms with my orientation. Pop accepted my move with grace and with support. When I really needed his advice, it was there when I asked, but it was never foisted on me. It was only in the final 5 years of his life that I really began to understand this acorn had not fallen all that far from the tree. I have his sense of humor and his ease in public. It's his gregariosity that I'm just as well known for. I have his sense of fairness and concern for the world. I can cook, something that HE taught me, not my mother.
What brings me peace in his loss, is I know I was loved by him, fully, deeply and unconditionally. I have no question he helped shape that man I have become, and that much of what and who I am today, is because of him.
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timeasmymeasure
Re: ...
Date: 2011-06-20 07:26 pm (UTC)Puberty did not help our relationship and 13 thru my mid 20's were spent trying to differentiate myself from him. It was only much later that I discovered what a balancing force he was, keeping my mother and school teachers off of my back. According to my mother, she would chafe at every open school night. The would routinely be told I was not living up to my full potential. Pop would ask, "is he in the class of the brightest kids for his grade?" and he was told yes. He followed, "and you said he's in the middle of his class grade-wise?" Again, he got a yes. "Then kindly get off and stay off my kid's back."
I moved cross country in my mid-20's after finishing medical school, to do my residency and in part, to come to terms with my orientation. Pop accepted my move with grace and with support. When I really needed his advice, it was there when I asked, but it was never foisted on me. It was only in the final 5 years of his life that I really began to understand this acorn had not fallen all that far from the tree. I have his sense of humor and his ease in public. It's his gregariosity that I'm just as well known for. I have his sense of fairness and concern for the world. I can cook, something that HE taught me, not my mother.
What brings me peace in his loss, is I know I was loved by him, fully, deeply and unconditionally. I have no question he helped shape that man I have become, and that much of what and who I am today, is because of him.