![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
A boost to the ego.....
Apr. 7th, 2008 01:38 pmIn general, I'm a fairly secure person emotionally. There's much I like about myself.
However, my internal body image is not good. I am a bear - a large one at that, and while I'm comfortable within my own skin, I'm not comfortable with the size of it, nor with all the potential health implications. Let me add that I'm no prude; however the idea of taking my shirt off in public leaves me cold. (That's mortified cold, not perky stiff nipples cold.) I should add here that being blindingly white, with the ability to burn to peeling in 30 minutes or less, is a part of the issue. The very thought of leaving my vast expanse uncovered for anyone to see, makes my skin crawl, largely because society is not in general a positive place for plus sized people.
Suffice it to say, I'm often quite surprised when someone makes a pass at me. (Particularly, when it hasn't happened in a while.)
Now, I'm not talking about being within bear identified space like Lazy Bear or IBR. A pass there is not something to be surprised about (unless of course you're a 'non-bear'). I mean in just a gay social setting.
Yesterday was one of those times when it happened not once, but twice.
Saw an old friend in the morning, I'd not seen in over a year. We had breakfast, well brunch actually, and he suggested as I finished my toast, that he would find having me lie naked on the table in front of him a delightful dessert. He leaned over and whispered that into my ear, as I was mid-swallow. I'm grateful it was toast and not coffee in my mouth. His hand on my thigh made it clear he wasn't joking.
In the evening I stopped at Karaoke, not to sing, but to wish a friend the Karaoke Jock, a happy birthday. It was there that pass #2 happened. Someone I've known for a couple of years, and had also not seen for a while, laid a lip lock on me that was just this side of breathtaking. Then he whispered in my ear, "see what you've missed by not coming out to sing in so long!" Whew!
Whee!
And before anything else could happen, I went home; home to the man I adore and who loves me unconditionally, bear or not.
Even if I do burn to peeling in half an hour.
However, my internal body image is not good. I am a bear - a large one at that, and while I'm comfortable within my own skin, I'm not comfortable with the size of it, nor with all the potential health implications. Let me add that I'm no prude; however the idea of taking my shirt off in public leaves me cold. (That's mortified cold, not perky stiff nipples cold.) I should add here that being blindingly white, with the ability to burn to peeling in 30 minutes or less, is a part of the issue. The very thought of leaving my vast expanse uncovered for anyone to see, makes my skin crawl, largely because society is not in general a positive place for plus sized people.
Suffice it to say, I'm often quite surprised when someone makes a pass at me. (Particularly, when it hasn't happened in a while.)
Now, I'm not talking about being within bear identified space like Lazy Bear or IBR. A pass there is not something to be surprised about (unless of course you're a 'non-bear'). I mean in just a gay social setting.
Yesterday was one of those times when it happened not once, but twice.
Saw an old friend in the morning, I'd not seen in over a year. We had breakfast, well brunch actually, and he suggested as I finished my toast, that he would find having me lie naked on the table in front of him a delightful dessert. He leaned over and whispered that into my ear, as I was mid-swallow. I'm grateful it was toast and not coffee in my mouth. His hand on my thigh made it clear he wasn't joking.
In the evening I stopped at Karaoke, not to sing, but to wish a friend the Karaoke Jock, a happy birthday. It was there that pass #2 happened. Someone I've known for a couple of years, and had also not seen for a while, laid a lip lock on me that was just this side of breathtaking. Then he whispered in my ear, "see what you've missed by not coming out to sing in so long!" Whew!
Whee!
And before anything else could happen, I went home; home to the man I adore and who loves me unconditionally, bear or not.
Even if I do burn to peeling in half an hour.
