A boost to the ego.....

[osodecanela]

In general, I'm a fairly secure person emotionally. There's much I like about myself.

However, my internal body image is not good. I am a bear - a large one at that, and while I'm comfortable within my own skin, I'm not comfortable with the size of it, nor with all the potential health implications. Let me add that I'm no prude; however the idea of taking my shirt off in public leaves me cold. (That's mortified cold, not perky stiff nipples cold.) I should add here that being blindingly white, with the ability to burn to peeling in 30 minutes or less, is a part of the issue. The very thought of leaving my vast expanse uncovered for anyone to see, makes my skin crawl, largely because society is not in general a positive place for plus sized people.

Suffice it to say, I'm often quite surprised when someone makes a pass at me. (Particularly, when it hasn't happened in a while.)

Now, I'm not talking about being within bear identified space like Lazy Bear or IBR. A pass there is not something to be surprised about (unless of course you're a 'non-bear'). I mean in just a gay social setting.

Yesterday was one of those times when it happened not once, but twice.

Saw an old friend in the morning, I'd not seen in over a year. We had breakfast, well brunch actually, and he suggested as I finished my toast, that he would find having me lie naked on the table in front of him a delightful dessert. He leaned over and whispered that into my ear, as I was mid-swallow. I'm grateful it was toast and not coffee in my mouth. His hand on my thigh made it clear he wasn't joking.

In the evening I stopped at Karaoke, not to sing, but to wish a friend the Karaoke Jock, a happy birthday. It was there that pass #2 happened. Someone I've known for a couple of years, and had also not seen for a while, laid a lip lock on me that was just this side of breathtaking. Then he whispered in my ear, "see what you've missed by not coming out to sing in so long!" Whew!

Whee!

And before anything else could happen, I went home; home to the man I adore and who loves me unconditionally, bear or not.

Even if I do burn to peeling in half an hour.

Comments

[eireangus.livejournal.com]

I have a really bad self esteem as well. If someone flirts with me (yeah, right) I usually don't even realize it!!!

You talk about covering up, hmmmm, I think I am the absolute KING of tznuis (modesty)!!!

[osodecanela.livejournal.com]

I'm not so much talking about 'covering up' in my everyday clothing. I don't wear short sleeves, not because I'm ashamed of my arms, or that I think arms should be covered, but because I burn. Actually I DO think that anyone as fair as I am SHOULD be covered, given our family's history of Melignant Melanoma.

I was at Folsom 5 years back, and was at a booth selling clothing. I was debating a denim shirt, but trying it on meant taking the one I had off. While I was standing there debating that, a guy came up and picked up a pair of shorts. Asking if he could try them on, when told "sure", he wriggled out of his jeans (which were skin tight) right there in the middle of Folsom St. All he had on under the jeans was a steel cock ring. He pulled on the shorts, looked at his butt in the mirror, and cheerily said, "I'll take'em!" Less than a minute later, it happened again. The only difference was that all this guy had on under his jeans was a prince albert. I thought, "and I'm hesitant about taking off my shirt?"

You bet I was. I likely weigh, what those two twinks weigh put together.

[eireangus.livejournal.com]

Well, I tend to cover up because of my self esteem issues AND because of the modesty tzuis. But, I would agree with you regarding fair skinned people covering up because of potential health issues.

Personally, I like people covered up because it leaves things to the imagination. I can certainly imagine that happening at Folsom!!!

[furr-a-bruin.livejournal.com]

That sounds familiar; I often tell people I'm "cruise-blind" - I honestly don't notice the "smoking hot stare from across the bar."

And as for flirting - goes right over my head. "What? He was just being friendly and wanted some conversation!"

I've been tempted to have a T-shirt made that reads something like "Notice: this person is cruise-blind and flirt-deaf. If you're interested, you're going to have to be direct about it."

[eireangus.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the response! :-)

I am so oblivious to anything of the sort. The guy/gal literally has to walk up to me and tell me that I am hot. I don't really hang out in the gay community very much, but even if I did, I doubt I'd know if someone was cruising me. I guess I'm often in my own little world!

I have friends who have this strange sixth sense when it comes to whether someone is gay and/or cruising them. Huh? How can they tell? I mean unless it's someone completely "gay", then I have no clue!

If you order one of those t-shirts, get one in a medium for me! ;-)

[grizzlyzone.livejournal.com]

I've seen the pictures, and I think you're hot!

And, I'd happily rub you with SPF 45.

[osodecanela.livejournal.com]

"Butter" me up, will ya'? I'd happily accept that offer.

Just remember though, zinc oxide is not an acceptable lubricant! (Other than perhaps, a good social lube.)

[annoyinghandle.livejournal.com]

Please. I would so do you.

[osodecanela.livejournal.com]

Blush

[furr-a-bruin.livejournal.com]

We pale people need to do something to bring parasols back into fashion....