Father's Day...

and as usual, I'm overly emotional.

Earlier this week, I had an oldies station on when Dan Fogleberg's Leader of the Band came on. Within seconds my tears began to flow. This song, an homage to his father, was always a favorite of mine. After Pop died, I could no longer sing it, or even listen to it, without bawling. This was one I used to sing, when I performed once upon a time. Even today, I cannot sing it without losing my voice. It literally still chokes me up.

It was years before I could listen to it without crying (and similarly Mike and the Mechanic's In the Living Years). When I finally could hear the song without crying, I realized I was beginning to heal my grief. This week, I feel like I'm back to square one.

When I stopped for coffee this morning, from behind the counter Dee Dee asked if I was OK. I couldn't even get the words out. I can write about it calmly, though I'm misty, but if I try to explain how I'm feeling, the words simply will not come. My throat aches from the tightness.

As a young man I felt I was who I was, despite him. As I matured, I came to see so much of him in me, and for that, I'm grateful. I have his sense of humor, his gregariousness, his zest for life and his ability to make and honor commitments.

So I offer these lyrics as they were written. Fogelberg said it with such eloquence. The last line still stings, because of its truth.

An only child
Alone and wild
A cabinet maker's son
His hands were meant
For different work
And his heart was known to none

He left his home
And went his lone
And solitary way
And he gave to me
A gift I know I never can repay

A quiet man of music
Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldn't wait
He earned his love
Through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through my instrument
And his song is in my soul
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy
To the leader of the band

My brothers' lives were different
For they heard another call
One went to Chicago
And the other to St. Paul
And I'm in Colorado
When I'm not in some hotel
Living out this life I've chose
And come to know so well

I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go
I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And, papa, I don't think I
Said 'I love you' near enough.