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John Arthur has died....
Oct. 22nd, 2013 11:35 amI shed some tears this morning.
John Arthur and James Obergefell flew to Maryland last summer to get married on the tarmac, then flew home to Cincinnati. Thereafter they challenged in federal court and won a restraining order against the state of Ohio, from not listing Arthur as a married man, with Obergefell listed as his husband on his death certificate. After 20 years together, in what certainly I and many others will acknowledge as a marriage, they decided to take that last step and make it official.
Why is that important? Did it change how they felt about each other? Does it 'ram same sex marriage down Ohioan's throats' as some lawmakers assert?
It was done in large part to spare Arthur and his husband a final indignity, to ensure their right to be buried next to each other.
John Arthur will be buried in his family's plot and under the cemetery's rules, only spouses and descendants may be buried in a family plot, unless there is permission granted from all living surviving relatives. One person could step forward and deny them that right.
As I sit here and think about the indignity several friends have had to endure after losing their partners, not being permitted to claim their loved one's remains for burial for up to a month in order to give estranged family a chance to step forward, I grieve. As I think about the soon to be released movie about a Southern California man who lost his partner in a tragic accident, who was then not allowed to even come to the funeral his homophobic 'in-laws' held, I mourn. As I remember my own terror facing my husband's heart attack and subsequent by-pass 15 years ago, re-living the hours before surgery when he told me details of what I would need to take care of for him if he died, I tremble and the tears begin to flow once more.
Negation and denial following the death of your spouse is an injustice no one should have to face. The pain of loss is too great to be compounded by the ignorance and cruelty of those who would deny us our very right to exist.
To John, may you rest in peace.
To James, may you find solace in his love for you and in the support of your friends.
To those who would stand in the way of these two men being laid to rest next to one another when James' time comes, may the divine have mercy on you, for I have none.
For me, I pray someday come to a place of forgiveness.
John Arthur and James Obergefell flew to Maryland last summer to get married on the tarmac, then flew home to Cincinnati. Thereafter they challenged in federal court and won a restraining order against the state of Ohio, from not listing Arthur as a married man, with Obergefell listed as his husband on his death certificate. After 20 years together, in what certainly I and many others will acknowledge as a marriage, they decided to take that last step and make it official.
Why is that important? Did it change how they felt about each other? Does it 'ram same sex marriage down Ohioan's throats' as some lawmakers assert?
It was done in large part to spare Arthur and his husband a final indignity, to ensure their right to be buried next to each other.
John Arthur will be buried in his family's plot and under the cemetery's rules, only spouses and descendants may be buried in a family plot, unless there is permission granted from all living surviving relatives. One person could step forward and deny them that right.
As I sit here and think about the indignity several friends have had to endure after losing their partners, not being permitted to claim their loved one's remains for burial for up to a month in order to give estranged family a chance to step forward, I grieve. As I think about the soon to be released movie about a Southern California man who lost his partner in a tragic accident, who was then not allowed to even come to the funeral his homophobic 'in-laws' held, I mourn. As I remember my own terror facing my husband's heart attack and subsequent by-pass 15 years ago, re-living the hours before surgery when he told me details of what I would need to take care of for him if he died, I tremble and the tears begin to flow once more.
Negation and denial following the death of your spouse is an injustice no one should have to face. The pain of loss is too great to be compounded by the ignorance and cruelty of those who would deny us our very right to exist.
To John, may you rest in peace.
To James, may you find solace in his love for you and in the support of your friends.
To those who would stand in the way of these two men being laid to rest next to one another when James' time comes, may the divine have mercy on you, for I have none.
For me, I pray someday come to a place of forgiveness.
