Reality testing…
Nov. 20th, 2019 10:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
osodecanelaThis is going to have to be a brief post; we’re about to have another power outage due to Highwinds. Personally, as bloody inconvenient as it is, I’m OK with it. Better than a wildfire.
I’m now at the 30 pound point (for weight loss that is) since the end of June. I am at once thrilled, and not so happy with where I am. My progress is steady and I am seeing the results of what I’m doing, but the reality of where I am is not a place that I wanna stay.
For many years I could stand in front of a mirror & not see what was there. The reality of my severe obesity, was simply too painful to fully accept. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Well, I have come to accept that the mirror and a reliable scale are important tools & in someway, friends.
In early October, someone was giving away a mirrored closet door, which I snagged, brought home, & installed into my walk in closet & immediately in front of it placed my old office scale (a Detecto medical office scale from the 1950s). Every morning, without fail, I walk into the closet, and buck naked step onto the scale. It’s reality testing. It allows me to see where I am, understand my current truth, and continue to do what I need to do to become a person of “normal weight”. As a diabetic and hypertensive man, for my own state of health it’s what I need to do.
Further, I want to be as unencumbered as I possibly can be. The years of the inflammatory arthritis May be over (at least for the time being), but I still have to contend with the damage that was done & I will be in much more mobile, with less pain, if I rid myself of at least another 65 pounds, if not more. That prospect is extremely enticing.
There are multiple benefits, not just healthwise, though that’s my primary motivator. While I no longer stand out as freakishly obese (at least in the United States - in Guatemala, or Viet Nam, I’m still the size of a family of four.), Society simply treats people of size differently & not well. We’re about to travel south for Thanksgiving with my family and I know that the bag I pack, will be easily half again as large as the one my husband packs. My clothing takes up significantly more room than his. Even when I want to travel white, the concept remains elusive.
Where am I headed? A good question, to which I don’t have a full answer. Right now my goal is at least a loss of another 65 pounds which would put me at 200 pounds even. That’s a full 20 pounds more than when I graduated from college & I am a full inch and a half shorter than I was that day. 200 pounds on my 5‘7“ frame, albeit wide one, is still a generous amount for me to carry.
I’m now at the 30 pound point (for weight loss that is) since the end of June. I am at once thrilled, and not so happy with where I am. My progress is steady and I am seeing the results of what I’m doing, but the reality of where I am is not a place that I wanna stay.
For many years I could stand in front of a mirror & not see what was there. The reality of my severe obesity, was simply too painful to fully accept. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Well, I have come to accept that the mirror and a reliable scale are important tools & in someway, friends.
In early October, someone was giving away a mirrored closet door, which I snagged, brought home, & installed into my walk in closet & immediately in front of it placed my old office scale (a Detecto medical office scale from the 1950s). Every morning, without fail, I walk into the closet, and buck naked step onto the scale. It’s reality testing. It allows me to see where I am, understand my current truth, and continue to do what I need to do to become a person of “normal weight”. As a diabetic and hypertensive man, for my own state of health it’s what I need to do.
Further, I want to be as unencumbered as I possibly can be. The years of the inflammatory arthritis May be over (at least for the time being), but I still have to contend with the damage that was done & I will be in much more mobile, with less pain, if I rid myself of at least another 65 pounds, if not more. That prospect is extremely enticing.
There are multiple benefits, not just healthwise, though that’s my primary motivator. While I no longer stand out as freakishly obese (at least in the United States - in Guatemala, or Viet Nam, I’m still the size of a family of four.), Society simply treats people of size differently & not well. We’re about to travel south for Thanksgiving with my family and I know that the bag I pack, will be easily half again as large as the one my husband packs. My clothing takes up significantly more room than his. Even when I want to travel white, the concept remains elusive.
Where am I headed? A good question, to which I don’t have a full answer. Right now my goal is at least a loss of another 65 pounds which would put me at 200 pounds even. That’s a full 20 pounds more than when I graduated from college & I am a full inch and a half shorter than I was that day. 200 pounds on my 5‘7“ frame, albeit wide one, is still a generous amount for me to carry.
