Mom does not approve...........

[osodecanela]

Mom called today. Now I spoke with her just last night and she looked at the gift I'd sent her to deliver to my sister at the surprise party for her 50th today; she said it was 'nice'. Not exactly a rave about a gift I'd dropped a nice chunk of change on, but I failed to pick up on her distaste last evening.

Today however, she was much more clear. "Can you get your money back?"

Now these were a pair of 15K white gold earings, diamond pave surrounding three one-carat sized emerald-cut stones (a citrine, a rose quartz and an amethyst) and they came with a matching ring. Basically they would not be my sister's taste and she would not wear them.

"I know my girls and neither of them, nor I, would wear this." That's pretty damned clear.
I was stunned into absolute silence. I didn't know quite how to respond.

Mom then started apologizing for hurting me, but made it clear she thought they were gaudy.

"Your sister likes simple." Simple?
"Your brother-in-law has stopped buying her jewelry. Hasn't gotten her any in over 5 years. She buys for herself. She's hoping he's going to give her a couple of diamond studs for her birthday. Two carat stones. I'm not sure if he's done that."

Two carat stones? Each? That's simple? Well, I suppose if it doesn't come with a matching tiara.

Mom kept saying how sorry she was, but that she could not give these to my sister. I just would not be right to give her something she won't care for and will not use. It took her 12 hours to screw up enough courage to tell me so.

So, I was not there for my sister's party tonight, AND it now looks like I didn't even take the trouble to send her a gift. I'm not offended. Just frustrated.

Frustrated and very far away. Wondering why I even try.

Comments

[gryphons-hole.livejournal.com]

Wow...

Really.

I hope this comes out as intended:
I mean.... as much as I seem to so easily get you...
I don't think I should ever try to get your family.

Just wanted to say...

Big, crushing *squeeze*

[osodecanela.livejournal.com]

thanks Gryph. I really needed that.

I don't get my family. It is a major reason why I live on this coast and they on the other.

[furr-a-bruin.livejournal.com]

*sigh* *hug*

Well, diamond studs are simple... with two carat stones, they're rather flashy - but they're still simple. ;)

Me, I've never cared for white diamonds. Opals are my favorite, the fierier the better!

[osodecanela.livejournal.com]

Opals? Love 'em! Diamonds? A'yup! Those too. (My birthstone)

I have a 1/3 carat diamond stud I usually wear in my left ear. Not too large. Not too flashy.

I do disagree with you though. I don't think anything that's two carat per stone can be called simple. Well maybe. Simply HUGE!

[grizzlyzone.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I went all through that with my mom. Christmas time and she'd get all depressed if her presents didn't "measure up". I used to try and over-compensate for the "lame" gifts my sisters would give her by giving her something spectacular.

---

Last year, my sister moved from Seattle to central Michigan. Her taste in furniture tends towards the Craftsman/Prairie School/Mission style and I found an online lamp shop that had every lamp imaginable, including a nice selection of Mission-style lamps.

I asked if they would have a lamp she'd like and when she said they would, I was overly generous and send her a large gift certificate for the place.

During the summer, I asked if she ever found a lamp. She said that she was thinking on getting some outdoor garden lights with it. To date, I don't think she got a thing.

[osodecanela.livejournal.com]

Ah families. Can't live with them. Can't shoot them.

[blktalon.livejournal.com]

my advice stop sending things through your mother, send them direct to your sisters. Even if they themselves don't like it, they still know you were thinking of them.

[osodecanela.livejournal.com]

Comment Posted Successfully
Normally I don't go through Mom, but as this was a surprise party, not at my sister's home, it seemed the best way to get this to my her. Couldn't send it to my brother-in-law at their home or business, as Susan would have seen it at either location (they also work together). It's also generally not like Mom to censor a gift, though it isn't unlike her to give me the "what were you thinking" comment afterward.

There's another issue for me afoot here.

I turned fifty 2 years ago, and got not so much as a card from this particular sister. I was hurt, but so be it. I was not going to make the trip cross country as I had other commitments this weekend, such as someone in labor even as I write this. However, to not even make note of a milestone like 50 for a sibling just isn't right and I had no intention of giving my sister tit for tat. It would appear that's exactly what happened anyway, despite my efforts.

[fogbear.livejournal.com]

Weaver, I feel your pain. Really, I do. And I think your mother handled it all very badly, though I sense that she probably didn't want to.

But I learned from my mom years ago that jewelry is one of those incredibly personal things that it's nearly impossible to buy for someone else. My dad never got it right. I never got it right. Together, we got it so terribly wrong....well, it was the 70s. Let's just leave it at that.

Tacky as it sounds, the gift-certificate route is the way to go on this. Or something else entirely.

Call your sister, take the high road, figure something out. Easy for the only child to say. I know.

Holiday hugs, sweetheart.