
It's been a very long day and I am toast.
I don't know how many patients I saw today. It was somewhere north of 25. And that just in the office.
One lady is overdue and will need to be induced soon if she doesn't do this on her own. I had a man in his mid 90's, whose wife is almost 30 years his junior and his health is slowly, but surely failing. I tried to discuss advanced directives with them today (ie. a clear guide from them with regard to resuscitation, should he have a heart attack or a stroke) and I suspect I succeeded in annoying him and unnerving her. I tried to return the call that came in from his daughter who called after they left my office, only to find that she left her work number and not her home. She was long gone from work by the time I had time to return her call.
I have some mixed feeling about going home. I need to sleep, but my husband has been, well, volatile. The man is a Luddite and should not be allowed anywhere near a computer. He was fighting with his machine last night over a problem with his security settings and new program he had downloaded to create PDF files he needs for filing legal documents with the court. (Not a trivial thing for a man who makes his living at the law. However, he called me literally screaming out of frustration at his computer and I do not deal well with him coming completely unglued and yelling at me for something I have no control over and in reality, had nothing to do with.
I decided on the way home to stop at Safeway and get him some cookies for his sweet tooth and some Sambuca to mellow him out. He was considerably calmer when I walked thru the door, but still tense. I handed him a glass of the liqueur and rather than take it and say "thank you", he glared at me and cocked his head at the coffee table, for me to put the drink down. He thought he had solved the problem. And that was it. No apology for taking things out on me. No acknowledgment of what angst he may have caused me. Nothing.
I confided in a dear friend this evening who knows us both well, how I was having mixed feelings about what happened last night and about going home tonight because of it. She said she had spoken briefly with him on the phone earlier and that he'd acknowledged to her at least he'd not handled things well last night. T'would be nice if he could say that to me. Might make me feel somewhat better.