osodecanela | August 4th...

It's early.

I hear my husband snoring gently, as I sip the coffee I just brewed, the dog stretched out on my side of the bed, the cat curled up between them. It's so peaceful here, but grey. The morning fog drifts 30 feet above the deck, shrouding this narrow river valley in summertime chill. It'll be several hour before it burns off. I'll be in town by then, making hospital rounds.

This is how the day began 2 years ago, save one crucial difference. An announcement earlier that week let the state know we would have Vaughn Walker's ruling on the Prop 8 challange sometime that morning. By the time I'd gotten to my office that Thursday morning, word was out. Prop 8 had been ruled unconstitutional.

Como agua para chocolate, I was ebullient. I felt affirmed, vindicated. No longer a second class citizen.

And then, nothing changed.

There was a part of me that felt the resumption of nuptials would be just around the corner. Yet, here I sit 2 years later and none have happened in this state. Our marriage was not disbanded by Prop 8, yet much of the public remains ignorant of that. Our trip to Kaiser's ER when my husband passed a stone, drove that home. A clerk asked who I was (as I kept answering questions for him), & he responded I was his husband; she replied, "oh, you mean your domestic partner."

I never expected the act of marrying to be the deep emotional experience that it turned out to be. After 27 years with him, I didn't think I could love him more than I already did. On that count, I was wrong. The election that fall was as devastating as the wedding had been affirming. When we received the photos and videos that had been taken, it was hard to watch them. It was months before the state Supreme Court ruled Prop 8 hadn't invalidated our marriage. The 18,000+ marriages still stood. Friends called to say, "congratulations, you're still married!" What an odd circumstance; congratulating someone for not having a court nullify their marriage license.

Rationally, I knew it was going to take time. I just hadn't expected it to feel so damned long.

I'm looking at the fall and cycling thru my emotions; dread, hope, fear, joy, resignation, anger, gratitude..... They're all there. By October, we'll know if SCOTUS takes the prop 8 appeal or not. November will see votes in Washington & Maryland either to uphold or nullify the marriage equality laws their legislatures enacted & their governors signed. Maine will have a vote to overturn their 'prop 8' of 2010 & Minnesota votes on an amendment to their state constitution banning marriage for same sex couples. Six different federal courts have found section 3 of DOMA unconstitutional this year; at least a couple of them are likely to wind up in front of SCOTUS.

I feel weary as I sit here and ponder the months ahead, fully as grey as the day outside, wondering just how long it's going to take the sun to burn through.