Sitting with discomfort....

[osodecanela]

So my doc stopped me once again with a challenge to my way of thinking.

"You need to embrace the thin man within."
"I'm too busy getting to know the man within who's not disabled," I countered.
"Stop right there."
I batted my eyes like a deer in the headlights, too dazed to turn and run.
"You need to repeat after me: I am able-bodied. Say it. Say it now."

I had a hard time doing that. If 'not disabled' = 'able-bodied', then why the hell was it so hard for me to say it?

If I can run 5 miles on an elliptical, if I can push myself for an hour and a quarter without feeling as though I'm killing myself, I can hardly see myself as disabled. However, to proclaim myself able-bodied? Not so easy.

Once again I have been caught in negative self re-inforcement, & just when I'm thinking I'm not doing it, I see on some level indeed I am.

I'm beginning to think I need a shrink, as much as I need my track shoes.

I run on he elliptical with the thought of, "sí, se puede", pero en la realidad, no mi siento poderoso. ¿Determinado? ¡Sí! ¿Pero poderoso? Pienso no.

Tal vez, en tiempo. ¿Quien sabes, quizas mañana?

Comments

[grizzlyzone.livejournal.com]

When I first moved to NC, I started in on an elliptical. The longest I ran was 90 minutes. I'd get though it by playing mental games with the various counters - another minute, another mile, another hundred calories, and so forth. Eventually, I discovered that if I entered by real weight, and set up the resistance and incline just do, I could burn calories at a remarkable rate, and that became my new set of milestones - calories per minute.