Don't ignore me....
Jun. 16th, 2016 11:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
osodecanelaMy husband is a small man. He'll tell you he's 5'4", but at 5'7" (and a little change) I tower over him. I suspect 5'2" is more likely, with an outside chance of 5'3", on a good day, in the right shoes....
And he's shy, sometimes painfully so. A roomful of strangers is not his idea of a good time.
Oddly enough, one of the fastest ways to piss him off is to ignore him. If we're out anywhere and you come over to speak to me without acknowledging him, you have about 30 seconds to greet him warmly or you've lost him and the walls go up. This gets awkward for me, because I have a great memory for faces, but not names. I might want to formally introduce him in a social situation, but its kinda hard to make an introduction when I'm still fishing for a name. I know I've got 30 seconds to include him, and if I cannot pull up a first name in that time, my husband is likely to start withdrawing socially, and often physically. On more than one occassion, he has simply walked away and left me there.
This often gets me ticked off. I've told him repeatedly to interject himself with, "I'm sorry, but I don't believe we've met. I'm LJ." Yeah. Right. He views this person as cutting in on his space with me and rather than assert himself in a way that redirects the conversation back to include him, he gets angry and withdraws. Shyness with an attitude.
This even happens in restaurants. He's often said that the server orients to me and not him. Last night I saw that scenario unfold right before my eyes. She came to the table and took orders from both of us. After taking the order, the waitress repeatedly came by to inquire about my needs and not his. She filled my water glass 3 times, but never his. She asked if I wanted steak sauce, and when I said not for me and turned to to ask him if he wanted some, she departed before he could respond. She then screwed up the order. He despises cauliflower and I'm no fan of carrots. I'd asked for double veggies and no starch. Dinner arrived with his plate with double cauliflower and mine with nothing but carrots next to my steak. I frowned, which she noticed and almost before I could say anything she was reaching for the plates to take them back to the kitchen. Just my facial expression made her do that. Since he had taken me out to eat, HE asked for the check, which she put down in front of me. He took it and put it with HIS credit card on the table to his right (I was sitting on his left). She took it and 2 minutes later came back to the table and put in down in front of me to my left, for MY signature.
It was a big mistake on her part. It cost her half her tip.
I know I'm hard to miss. I'm the bearded fat guy with long red hair and most of the time, I'll be the only one in the room. I've got an easy smile and a voice that carries. But for God's sake, I'm not the only person at my table. I was offended last night by how he was treated.
I'm going to have to pay close attention to social settings hereon in.
And he's shy, sometimes painfully so. A roomful of strangers is not his idea of a good time.
Oddly enough, one of the fastest ways to piss him off is to ignore him. If we're out anywhere and you come over to speak to me without acknowledging him, you have about 30 seconds to greet him warmly or you've lost him and the walls go up. This gets awkward for me, because I have a great memory for faces, but not names. I might want to formally introduce him in a social situation, but its kinda hard to make an introduction when I'm still fishing for a name. I know I've got 30 seconds to include him, and if I cannot pull up a first name in that time, my husband is likely to start withdrawing socially, and often physically. On more than one occassion, he has simply walked away and left me there.
This often gets me ticked off. I've told him repeatedly to interject himself with, "I'm sorry, but I don't believe we've met. I'm LJ." Yeah. Right. He views this person as cutting in on his space with me and rather than assert himself in a way that redirects the conversation back to include him, he gets angry and withdraws. Shyness with an attitude.
This even happens in restaurants. He's often said that the server orients to me and not him. Last night I saw that scenario unfold right before my eyes. She came to the table and took orders from both of us. After taking the order, the waitress repeatedly came by to inquire about my needs and not his. She filled my water glass 3 times, but never his. She asked if I wanted steak sauce, and when I said not for me and turned to to ask him if he wanted some, she departed before he could respond. She then screwed up the order. He despises cauliflower and I'm no fan of carrots. I'd asked for double veggies and no starch. Dinner arrived with his plate with double cauliflower and mine with nothing but carrots next to my steak. I frowned, which she noticed and almost before I could say anything she was reaching for the plates to take them back to the kitchen. Just my facial expression made her do that. Since he had taken me out to eat, HE asked for the check, which she put down in front of me. He took it and put it with HIS credit card on the table to his right (I was sitting on his left). She took it and 2 minutes later came back to the table and put in down in front of me to my left, for MY signature.
It was a big mistake on her part. It cost her half her tip.
I know I'm hard to miss. I'm the bearded fat guy with long red hair and most of the time, I'll be the only one in the room. I've got an easy smile and a voice that carries. But for God's sake, I'm not the only person at my table. I was offended last night by how he was treated.
I'm going to have to pay close attention to social settings hereon in.
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Date: 2016-06-17 01:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-18 07:04 pm (UTC)That's a really difficult situation to resolve FOR someone else. :-/
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Date: 2016-06-19 03:42 am (UTC)I think the best example was this: Daniel and I walked into a hardware store looking for lightbulbs. He and I approached a clerk in that section, D holding a bulb in one hand. D said to him in a conversational tone of voice: do you have any bulbs like this one? Whereupon clerk jumped toward me and shouted DON'T YOU THREATEN ME! and then literally ran away.
You might think this is a one-time freak moment, but no, it happens to me regularly. And even more often, the times a man (usually) just goes on the attack for no reason, or blames something completely random on me, or decides I'm a challenge and he has something to prove.*
And last but not least: walking through a crowd. People of average height are accustomed to scanning for faces at their own eye level, and so I don't register. Frequently, if I'm not actively dodging them, people will walk directly into me, even if I'm standing absolutely still, and then look up with this surprised and angry expression ... and of course, it's my fault.
Your husband may find it some consolation to know that it's not him in particular. We're herd animals.
*NB: angry stompy short tops with something to prove are encouraged to have a go.