I am amazed....
Aug. 30th, 2007 09:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
osodecanelaMy power of denial can be profound. It's not that I'm lying to myself consciously. It's more that I've put my own needs (the real ones, not my wants or desires) on to the back burner and off I go. It's been that way with my own health for an easy 10 or 11 months, if not longer.
The newswires carrying word of the increased risk of congestive heart failure in some diabetics using TZD's hit me and I thought I was hearing that news objectively. The edema in my OWN legs was something I chose to simply live with. Yes, the glitazones can cause fluid retention. I kept saying to myself the risk is worth it. Preservation of the beta cells, staving off the eventual need for exogenous insulin was my mantra. Meanwhile, my own denial that I was having ever increasing weight and hunger with the use of the TZD's continued. Avandia was thought to be a greater culprit of the two with regard to heart failure. What did I do? I switched to Actos. Not withstanding that I gained a HUGE amount of weight using it previously.
I was at my behest that my own provider started me on Actos back in 2002, when I first read the studies indicating test rats had increased beta cell mass after using the drug. Studies had shown that metformin does not stop beta cell failure and starting something that might made sense to me. I was 265 lbs at that time.
Granted, the intestinal hemorrhage I suffered 2 1/2 years ago has a lot to do with my weight gain. I lost perhaps a third of my blood volume over a month and was left weak as a kitten and unable to continue working out and running at the gym (something I still as yet have not resumed); however, I'm today 90 pounds heavier than I was 5 years ago and I honestly feel the TZD's are in large part to blame. Not good. Very much not good. Have I seen a patient on a TZD gain this much weight? No. Do I need to admit we're not all created equal? It's about fucking time!
Today marks a week on Byetta, 9 days off of Actos. It's evening and now is when I would expect the edema to be at its worst. It is still there, but perhaps half of what it was, this time a week ago. My sugar this evening, just prior to supper was 88. Supper was a sliced tomato salad sprayed with balsamic vinegar, a boca burger with a couple of slices of provolone on a rather scrawny half of a whole wheat bagel, a diet Dr. Pepper, and a basket of fresh raspberries for dessert. It was my second meal of the day.
After dinner, I sat down to my nutrition program (computerized - a nice, little piece of software called Diet Balancer), and ran my numbers for today. Feeling as full as I feel at this moment, to find that my total dietary intake for the day still is south of 1000kCal blows me out of the water. I cannot imagine wanting to eat ANYTHING more today (except perhaps my husband, but guys, right this second I feel like if I put another thing in my mouth - even that - I will regret it).
I'm apparently eating roughly half (and often less) the daily amount I was consuming as little as 10 days ago. On Actos or Avandia, I could always eat. On Byetta, 1000 kcal and I'm quite sated.
And amazed.
And happily, albeit cautiously relieved.
And looking forward to the day, I'm half the man I am today.
The newswires carrying word of the increased risk of congestive heart failure in some diabetics using TZD's hit me and I thought I was hearing that news objectively. The edema in my OWN legs was something I chose to simply live with. Yes, the glitazones can cause fluid retention. I kept saying to myself the risk is worth it. Preservation of the beta cells, staving off the eventual need for exogenous insulin was my mantra. Meanwhile, my own denial that I was having ever increasing weight and hunger with the use of the TZD's continued. Avandia was thought to be a greater culprit of the two with regard to heart failure. What did I do? I switched to Actos. Not withstanding that I gained a HUGE amount of weight using it previously.
I was at my behest that my own provider started me on Actos back in 2002, when I first read the studies indicating test rats had increased beta cell mass after using the drug. Studies had shown that metformin does not stop beta cell failure and starting something that might made sense to me. I was 265 lbs at that time.
Granted, the intestinal hemorrhage I suffered 2 1/2 years ago has a lot to do with my weight gain. I lost perhaps a third of my blood volume over a month and was left weak as a kitten and unable to continue working out and running at the gym (something I still as yet have not resumed); however, I'm today 90 pounds heavier than I was 5 years ago and I honestly feel the TZD's are in large part to blame. Not good. Very much not good. Have I seen a patient on a TZD gain this much weight? No. Do I need to admit we're not all created equal? It's about fucking time!
Today marks a week on Byetta, 9 days off of Actos. It's evening and now is when I would expect the edema to be at its worst. It is still there, but perhaps half of what it was, this time a week ago. My sugar this evening, just prior to supper was 88. Supper was a sliced tomato salad sprayed with balsamic vinegar, a boca burger with a couple of slices of provolone on a rather scrawny half of a whole wheat bagel, a diet Dr. Pepper, and a basket of fresh raspberries for dessert. It was my second meal of the day.
After dinner, I sat down to my nutrition program (computerized - a nice, little piece of software called Diet Balancer), and ran my numbers for today. Feeling as full as I feel at this moment, to find that my total dietary intake for the day still is south of 1000kCal blows me out of the water. I cannot imagine wanting to eat ANYTHING more today (except perhaps my husband, but guys, right this second I feel like if I put another thing in my mouth - even that - I will regret it).
I'm apparently eating roughly half (and often less) the daily amount I was consuming as little as 10 days ago. On Actos or Avandia, I could always eat. On Byetta, 1000 kcal and I'm quite sated.
And amazed.
And happily, albeit cautiously relieved.
And looking forward to the day, I'm half the man I am today.
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